How can churches support someone with an eating disorder?

If reading this article raises significant concerns for you, please reach out for help. Get in touch with your GP or if you are very distressed, please phone a help line right now: Lifeline: 13 11 14 or the Butterfly National Help Line 1800 334673 which operates 8am-12 midnight, 7 days a week.

Churches can play an important role in supporting someone with an eating disorder. They can connect them into a caring community and love them unconditionally in practical ways. They can provide spiritual sustenance by offering to pray for them and reminding them of the truths of the gospel.  

The best place to start is to learn about eating disorders. This will give you the understanding to enable you to respond with compassion. Effective pastoral care for someone experiencing an eating disorder is practical and prayerful. Here are some specific ways churches can provide support.

Helpful support

• Listen. Eating disorders are difficult to understand, and they thrive on secrecy, silence, and shame. It is so helpful for someone to be able to share some of this darkness with another, knowing that the listener is not judging and offers compassion.  Listening opens the door into the personal reality of another’s experience.
• Follow up and check in regularly. Eating disorders are generally long-term. It is helpful if a group of people from the church community can share this role because this lifts the burden from just one person.
• Reduce stigma and misunderstanding.[1] Much of the media portrayal of eating disorders stems from myths, so there will be stigma and misunderstanding amongst your church community.  Run seminars about eating disorders or get members of your church who have eating disorders which are being well managed to share their journey.
• Preach with wisdom. When preaching on certain topics such as fasting, the body, or mental illness, use this as an opportunity to learn more about eating disorders and the impact the sermon may have on someone listening who has an eating disorder.
• Understand that meals (even taking communion) can be barriers to attendance for people with an eating disorder. Seek to provide options that will make it easier for them to attend. Perhaps they can serve the food if they are not comfortable eating it, or offer an alternative task that enables them not to eat without being subject to questioning from others. Plan some activities that do not revolve entirely around food. Remind them that they can just ‘come as they are’ with no expectations or pressures.
• If you are putting someone with a known eating disorder into a group, encourage them to talk with the leaders about the impact hospitality and serving of food may have on their ability to participate fully. 
• Respond with grace and compassion. Understand that recovery is hard, exhausting, non-linear work and the person with the illness does not get a break from it. They may need to take a break from serving at church and other activities, as they will have limited capacity.
• Remain patient and ‘un-push-away-able’ when they sometimes seem to go backwards, express hopelessness or a desire to give up. Keep inviting them to social activities and events.
• Acknowledge their progress as they will often not see it for themselves. Remind them of wins along the way.
• Offer to eat with them. Model eating well and body positivity.
• Assuring them of God’s love, presence and promises can be very effective when done well. Share parts of the Bible that demonstrate God’s character and our identity in Christ. Gently guide their trust in Jesus by reminding them they are not alone and have the power of God by his Spirit working in them. 
• Pray with them and for them, maintaining an unshakable, deep-rooted trust in God’s enduring love and plan and holding onto a sense of hope while modelling healthy expression of lament and perseverance through suffering.
• You will make mistakes but encourage them to give you honest feedback about what is helpful, which demonstrates a willingness to learn from mistakes and models honest communication.

Unhelpful responses

• Don’t comment on their body, weight or eating habits. Avoid talking about their appearance – even saying, “You look well.” or “You look healthy,” can be warped by the eating disorder. Don’t talk about your own eating habits or ask for weight loss advice.
• Never tell someone you wish you had their self-control around food. A person with an eating disorder is not exercising self-discipline. They are sick and their misguided brains are driving them to deadly behaviours. They lack self-control.
• Never say, ‘You don’t look like you have an eating disorder.’ This is invalidating and shaming. The vast majority of people with an eating disorder are not visibly emaciated. Many people with eating disorders look healthy yet may be extremely ill. Someone can struggle with a serious eating disorder in any body and with any shape or size. Their appearance doesn’t define their struggle. This stereotype about an ‘eating disorder look’ makes life even harder for many people who have them.
• Don’t tell them to ‘just eat!’ Eating disorders are not choices. It is not this simple. Don’t judge them or get frustrated when they can’t eat normally. Believe me, they are already harshly judging themselves. They need continuous support, care, and compassion even when they mess up, lie about their eating or try to push you away.  
• Don’t assume their faith is weak, they don’t have enough trust in God or they are using food/their body as an idol.

 [1] Myths about eating disorders https://nedc.com.au/eating-disorders/eating-disorders-explained/myth/