This article is the final instalment of a 3-part series in which Amy Yeung, from the Institute, is sharing simple but powerful ways to build trust and start meaningful conversations with young women about mental health and faith. If you missed the first two, you can find Part 1 here, and Part 2 here.
Many of us wonder what is normal teenage behaviour and what is cause for concern. First, trust your gut. If something seems off to you, it’s better to say something and start a conversation rather than wait until things are in crisis. It may not be obvious that someone is feeling suicidal, but it’s always better to ask a direct and clear question if you have any concerns. This can feel like an overwhelming conversation, so also check in with yourself and talk to a trusted friend or professional for additional support, for example Lifeline.
Some signs to watch out for are:
Why? Many young people indicate that they want to talk to others about their mental health but find this hard to do. It can feel risky to be vulnerable and difficult to voice the thoughts in their head, especially when they feel dark, overwhelming, or scary. Asking someone about suicide will not put the idea into their head. Rather, research shows that this question can save lives. Those with suicidal thoughts are likely to feel relief that you brought it up. It signals that you have noticed things, have been listening and care about them, and that they’re not alone. Most people thinking about suicide don’t want to die but just need someone to help them.
This could look like: ‘I’ve noticed you haven’t been keen to go to soccer practice as much as you used to and you seem to have less energy than you normally do. I just wanted to check in and see how you’re doing. Has something changed for you?’ Or, ‘From some of the things you’ve told me, I just wanted to check in and ask, have you thought about suicide? Or had any thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore?’
If someone is feeling suicidal, contact Lifeline for crisis support. If life is in danger, call 000.
We could do a whole post on self-care but if you are motivated to help others, looking after yourself and letting others look after you will help you do that sustainably. Dr Bruce Perry says, ‘Remember, the major tool you have in helping others change—whether you are a parent, teacher, coach, therapist, or friend—is you. Relationships are the currency of change.’¹ All of us are both needy and needed. Those things go together. It’s not one or the other.
Why? We are made in the image of God and throughout Scripture we see that he rested and calls us to rest. For example, after creating the world, God rested on the seventh day (Genesis 2:2). Jesus often withdrew from ministry and groups of people who had very evident needs to seek solitude and pray (Luke 5:16). When Jesus’ disciples had returned from ministering to others, he told them to come away by themselves to a remote place and rest (Mark 6:31). We are made to embrace this rhythm of work and rest.
This could look like: Some of the foundational contributors to mental wellbeing are: getting enough sleep, including movement in your day, eating well and drinking plenty of water, having good quality relationships, and helping others. Consider one of these factors (besides helping others!) and one thing you could do to care for yourself in that area. For example, a phone call to a friend or going for a walk with them, or perhaps protecting your sleep by communicating boundaries with the person you’re caring for so they know you won’t respond to texts or calls after a certain hour (and let them know both God and Lifeline are available 24/7).
One of God’s great gifts to us is prayer. A lesson I learned quite young from C. S. Lewis is to, ‘We want to know not how we should pray if we were perfect but how we should pray being as we now are… We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us.’² It’s important that as we are discipling young people and guiding them in spiritual disciplines that we let them know their prayers don’t have to be perfect, pretty, or only full of the things we think God wants us to say. Genuine relationship with God occurs when we can tell him what we’re really thinking and feeling and allow him to respond to those truthful parts of us.
Why? The book of Psalms is a wonderful primer to guide our prayers. Perhaps this is why it has become known as the prayer book of the Bible. While we mostly sing songs of praise in our churches today, approximately two thirds of the Psalms are songs of lament. We need to remind one another that God gives us permission to be honest.
This could look like: Modelling unpolished, honest, and intimate prayers such as, ‘God, we don’t understand, God this sucks. This is hard. It feels like too much. And we know that you are good. We know that you are with us. Please reveal yourself to us today. Even if just a glimpse. Do something. Please intervene and act. Give us faith. Feed our hope.’
Or, you may like to use the Mental Health and Pastoral Care Institute’s prayer for young women and mental health. Free to download here.
If you found these tips helpful, please share this article with others you know who are caring for young women. And if you’re wondering why this post started at Tip #8, it’s because this post is part of a three-part series on supporting young women. We encourage you to read the other two posts if you haven’t yet had the chance:
When Ally first joined a support group for Christian women whose husbands live with bipolar disorder, she felt as though she were the only one facing this kind of journey. This is her story.
The final instalment of a three-part series will equip you with practical tips to come alongside and support the young women and teenagers in your life.
The second instalment of a three-part series will equip you with practical tips to come alongside and support the young women in your life.
This three-part series will equip you with practical tips to come alongside and support the young women in your life.
