10 Ways to Support Young Women: Part 3
The final instalment of a three-part series will equip you with practical tips to come alongside and support the young women and teenagers in your life.
Amy Yeung (née Deutscher) is the Program Coordinator at the Institute. Amy has a passion for seeing young people thrive and has been working alongside them in voluntary and paid positions in Australia and Canada for sixteen years. She holds degrees in psychology, counselling, and theology and is a registered counsellor.
Something that can have a significant positive impact on young people is social connection with normal, everyday adults. Dr. Bruce Perry, one of the world’s leading experts on childhood trauma, says, ‘the best predictor of your current mental health is your current “relational health,” or connectedness.’¹ We see this in the research again and again. As Christians, this shouldn’t surprise us. God created us for community and he calls us to be in relationship with him and with one another.
So, how can we connect meaningfully with young women and support them? This three-part series will equip you with practical tips to use at youth group, home, school, or anywhere that you spend time with young people.
Before attempting any deep and meaningful conversations, I want to find out the thing that lights this young person UP and get them to teach me all about it.
Why? For starters, it gives you something to talk about! And it communicates, ‘I’m interested in you as a person. I respect you. I’m willing to learn from you.’ Further, sparks often provide challenges that young people are intrinsically motivated to overcome, and when someone notices and celebrates their spark, it can build their confidence.
This could look like: Noticing something they are into and being curious about it—and playing up how much you don’t know about it! For example, ‘Oh you like Minecraft? I’ve heard of it, but what is it again? Can you explain it to me?’
Or noticing something they are good at and celebrating it. For example, ‘You draw huh? Could I take a look? What!! You didn’t trace these or copy another image – you made it up?! You’re incredible. Not everyone can do that you know.’
When I am seeking to support a young person, I don’t want to pressure them to talk about anything before they’re ready. What I focus on is building rapport and giving them the opportunity to get to know me.
Why? We know that the major tool we have in helping others is ourselves and the relationship we develop. It takes time for a young person to trust that someone genuinely cares for them, is willing to listen non-judgmentally, and support them. Plus, being forced to talk rarely works out well for anyone!
This could look like: Offering, ‘I’m here to talk anytime’ is a good first step, but also consider how you could bring up the topic of mental health in more general ways. This reinforces that it’s not a taboo topic and gives the young person time to learn that you’re open to talking about mental health with empathy and without judgment. E.g., ‘I saw that the Australian government is banning social media for kids under 16 because of concerns for young people’s mental health. Has this come up at school? What are people saying about it? What do you think?’
Another way to introduce the topic of mental health that can break the ice and make sharing less vulnerable, is by listening to other people’s mental health stories. After hearing someone else’s story, it can be easier to open up about our own experience. You might consider using The Sanctuary Youth Series to start mental health and faith conversations in your church, small group, lunchtime group, classroom, or home! There are eight films to watch and each one features a young person’s mental health story.
Think of it like this: if you went to church on Sunday and the preacher tried to fit into one sermon all the things you should know about Christianity, you’d be there all night! And likely, you wouldn’t remember it all. We attend church regularly to get bite sized pieces to mull over, digest, and apply. Mental health conversations should be like this. Doing so also releases the pressure to say or do the right thing. If you feel like you didn’t nail it, that’s okay. You can try again.
Why? As much as we would like to love like Jesus, we do so imperfectly. It’s important to own those times we could’ve done better and try again. We are modelling to young people how to reflect, apologise, and try again in our relationships.
This could look like: Saying something like, ‘Hey, I’ve been reflecting on our conversation, and I don’t think I really empathised with what you are going through. I jumped in too soon with my advice or got too defensive. I’m sorry. If you’d give me another chance, I’d love to hear more.’
For all of us, it’s good to have a support network, not just a support person. It’s especially helpful when our network comes from a variety of contexts, e.g., someone from school, youth group, family, and their sports team. This means if it feels like things are falling apart in one area of life, there’s another area they can get support from.
Why? Research indicates that young people benefit from having a supportive adult in their life. That could be a parent or caregiver. It could also be a mentor, teacher, youth leader, aunt, cousin, coach, etc. So, if a young person is opening up to you, that’s awesome. But whether they are or not, who else can be brought in to also offer support? For both adults and young people, no one should feel the weight of being the sole person supporting another. God has made us for community for a reason!
This could look like: If a young person has talked to you about their mental health, you might say something like, ‘I’m so glad you told me. I’m really happy to support you in this. I’m curious, who else knows? One of the things I’d like for us to do is think about who else you might share this with. That might feel daunting right now and we don’t have to do it today, but we can workshop it together—who you might talk to, when, and what you might say—and I think you’d be surprised how many people want to support you. It’s really helpful to have a few people because none of us can be available 24/7.’
If you’re worried about a young person, and have tried to have a conversation about their mental health but they don’t want to talk, you could try, ‘Hey, I’ve noticed x about you in the last couple of weeks, and I’m worried about your mental health. If you don’t want to talk to me about it, that’s fine. I get that. But do you have two or three people that you could talk to? I think it’s really important.’ And make sure one of them is another adult!
This post is part of a three-part series on supporting young women. Part 2 is available here. And Part 3 is coming soon! If you found these tips helpful, please share this article with others you know who are caring for young women.
If you liked this article, you may also be interested in our Fact Sheet on Young Women and Mental Health or prayer for young women. Both are free to download here.
The final instalment of a three-part series will equip you with practical tips to come alongside and support the young women and teenagers in your life.
The second instalment of a three-part series will equip you with practical tips to come alongside and support the young women in your life.
This three-part series will equip you with practical tips to come alongside and support the young women in your life.
Grace reflects on why girls aren’t coming to youth group as much as they used to and offers practical advice for what we could about it.
