We point out the differences in our grammar, use of emojis, challenges we face, ways we think, assumptions we hold, the vision of life that we have, our hope for the future, and more! But with so much difference, we can start to feel apprehensive about pastoral care across generations.
“I don’t know how to relate. What will I say? I don’t understand them!”
If that’s you, you’re in the right place. This article will suggest a framework that could help us care well, no matter what generation someone is from. Rather than pointing out the differences that can sometimes distance us, let’s consider something common to us all—times of transition.
Transitions are a common facet of life which tend to throw us off balance. It could be anything from moving house, adapting to a new route to work, changing roles or jobs, a physical injury, a breakup, becoming a parent, going from high school to university, and on and on. The list of transitions we experience is endless, and often we experience multiple at once, adding to the complexity and impact.
Psychologist Lyn Worsley in her MHI spotlight on depression and resilience, noted that for all ages, “transitions are a time that we see people’s mental health dip.” And no wonder! They are times of upheaval, change, uncertainty, stress, confusion, questions, doubts, and more. They cause us to reconsider key questions about our identity, faith, sense of purpose, meaning, contributions to the world, and relationships. In other words, they are a time when we need pastoral care.
One reason pastoral care is so needed during times of transition is that it’s often a time when our connectedness with other people suffers. Sometimes this is for practical reasons like moving to a new city, church, or job where we are less known. Or it could be that as we reconsider key questions about our life, we start to feel like we no longer belong or we feel less understood by those around us. When we notice someone in the midst of transition, it’s a key time to reach out.
According to renowned psychiatrist, Dr Bruce Perry,
Connectedness is what helps us manage transitions and regulate in the face of a nonstop bombardment of novelty… In our work, we find that the best predictor of your current mental health is your current “relational health,” or connectedness… Our ability as a people to tolerate stressors is diminishing because our connectedness is diminishing.1
What he’s saying is that you can have a significant and positive impact on someone by being present. Simple acts like asking questions and being gently curious about someone’s experience, actively listening and reflecting back, praying with and for someone, inviting someone over for a home cooked meal, or texting to say you’ve been thinking of them. These actions don’t necessarily change their situation or solve any problems, but they do strengthen that person’s social connectedness and help bolster their ability to cope with the changes they’re experiencing.
There is also strong evidence that young people need at least two non-parental adults in their life who care, take a genuine interest in them, and have their best interests in mind. It helps to feel connected to peers, but being in relationship with those who have gone before us is essential, especially for young people. Adults provide love and more mature perspectives that can aid healthy development. They also play a significant role in providing a space where young people can feel their emotions. When it comes to peers, we often want to fit in and be liked, which can mean that in peer relationships the full expression of our feelings is less available and our development is stunted.
It reminds me of what C. S. Lewis penned to a younger person, ‘Think of me as a fellow patient in the same hospital who, having been admitted a littler earlier could give some advice.’ You may not have experienced the same thing as a younger person who is growing up in a very different generation to yourself, but the underlying questions that transitions can bring up may be the same. The Fuller Youth Institute has a helpful article detailing seven domains of transition that young people navigate. As you read through them, you may find some overlap with your own life experiences.
Not only is social connectedness important, so too is helping people stay connected with Jesus. To further Perry’s ideas, John Swinton observes that living in a society that operates within a medicalised model of care, we are geared towards feeling like we need to do something for someone in order to be helpful. Swinton reminds us that as image-bearers, the more important work is what we can be for one another. Therefore, a key question we need to consider in pastoral care is, ‘What can I do in the midst of what you’re going through that can ensure that you can be kept in touch with Jesus who has Shalom?’2
Shalom is a biblical concept, often translated as ‘peace’ but it encompasses much more than that. According to Cornelius Plantinga, ‘Shalom means universal flourishing, wholeness and delight… it is the way things ought to be.’3 In Christ, we can experience a taste of shalom even now, in the midst of difficulty and challenge as we await the coming day when Christ shall return and all things will be made right once and for all.
A key way we can keep people in touch with Jesus is through prayer. It has been said that the Psalms are the prayer book of the bible and in fact, the prayer book of Jesus, and therefore the prayer book of the church.4
Theologian Walter Brueggemann organises his commentary on the psalms around three general themes:
Orientation: satisfied seasons of wellbeing that evoke gratitude, joy, delight, and goodness. (e.g., ‘Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!’ Psalm 8:1)
Disorientation: anguished seasons of life of hurt, alienation, suffering, and grief that evoke rage, resentment, self-pity and hatred. (e.g., ‘You have taken from me my closest friends… darkness is my closest friend.’ Psalm 88:8, 18)
New Orientation: turns of surprise when we are overwhelmed with the new gifts of God, when joy breaks through the despair. (e.g., ‘The Lord remembers us and will bless us.’ Psalm 115:12)
Bruggemann suggests, ‘The psalms can be roughly grouped this way, and the flow of human life characteristically is located either in the actual experience of one of these settings or in movement from one to another.’5 This is an important reminder for us and those we care for, that it is normal for our lives and our orientation toward God to move, shift, and change. In the light of this reality, God has graciously provided us with a prayer book to help us navigate these changes and express to him the questions, doubts, and emotions that arise within us. So, as you meet with young people and care for them, model the life of Christ by continuing to pray like the Psalms as we live through times of transition.
This blog has been adapted from a seminar delivered to MTS apprentices and trainers. Mary Andrews College is now an official partner of MTS. Apprentices can undertake accredited theological study alongside their MTS training which means that when they finish their apprenticeship, they will have completed an accredited certificate which can also be used for credit towards further study (e.g. diploma or bachelor) at any Australian University of Theology college. It’s a great way to meet the requirements of MTS, while opening doors to further theological study. To learn more click here: https://mts.com.au/newly-developed-partnership-between-mts-and-mary-andrews-college/
How do you usually respond to someone who is wrestling with spiritual concerns? We’re likely to listen, pray, offer care, counsel, and comfort from God’s word. But (very) occasionally, this is entirely the wrong approach. That’s because the need for ongoing reassurance may indicate an underlying mental health condition known as scrupulosity – a sub-type of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
“I don’t know how to relate. What will I say? I don’t understand them!” Have you thought this about a different generation? This article from Amy Yeung suggests a framework that could help us care well, no matter what generation someone is from.
Pastoral care takes place in many different contexts and capacities. You might offer care to those in your family, your friendship network and your church community. A toolbox of resources can equip you in these various contexts and roles.
Caring is not so much about fixing a need or solving a problem – it’s about showing up and being there as a willing servant of Christ. It lets another know they are seen and valued.
